Wednesday, January 03, 2007

a reflective prayer in a journal

Wednesday, January 03, 2007
I have nothing to say. Too much has happened. I am numb from trying to sort it all out. Sometimes our lives are like brown paper packages tied up in string.

Most of the time they are not.
Sometimes one realizes that no human person can make it work together in a sensible way. That is where trust is important, knowing ones boundaries of responsibility is helpful and finally resting in faith while oddly enough being vigilant in prayer. Such is my current state.

I was once told by Him, not in an audible voice but in a quiet whisper, “I made you for Myself. You were made to rest in Me. That is your home, where you are whole. There you radiant light as well.”
You know what? It is true. It is resting in and basking near Him that I don’t have that restless urge or anxious talk. Just like I practice drawing people every day and my figure drawing improves, so as I practice resting and trusting in Him, my trust grows and my rest deepens. Practice the Presence of God. It is like breathing in and breathing out. Rest come to those who wait on Him.

Once I prayed for a Christian Husband, even before I knew what that was....before I was a Christian. I was taking Yoga. I was seeking. I forgot my earnest request, yet God did not forget. He gave me what I asked and reminded me that I had asked for that as well as the fruit of a Christian marriage, a Christian family, godly offspring. For I asked for that which was according to His will, He will surely give it. “Every good and perfect gift comes from above from whom there is no shifting shadow…” Though I forget, he does not forget. He is faithful, when I am not. He cannot deny Himself. God has a long nose according to the Hebrew Scriptures; He is slow to anger and abounding in loving kindness. I guess, now has come the time for me to learn what it means to wait upon the Lord, to soar on eagles wings and to walk through the valley. Selah.

One undeniable fact remains His Son, Jesus, came in the flesh, died according to the Scriptures and was buried and descended into hell and on the third day rose from the dead.

In His resurrection, he is declared both Lord and Christ. As Lord and Christ, in view of what he has done for us, we owe Him our very life and are now through Him are able to freely and gratefully offer our new life in Him. We no longer live in fear, for perfect love casts out fear. If we still know fear, we can look forward to being perfected in love each day through a love that casts out our fear.

Perfect love casts out fear. If we fear in His holy presence we are not perfected in love, yet we are not without hope for He has come to destroy the works of the devil and to bring to completion the work He has begun in us. He gives us new life and a fruitful life in Him. I am my beloved and my beloved is mine. He, distinct from any, will never leave me or forsake me.

It is good to remember His words and His work. For in them we have eternal life and our soul is nourished, even when “too much has happened and I am numb from trying to sort it all out.”